Am I living or just existing?

patience is a hard virtue so here is something to hold you over before the grand final.

this is the first ever film i have made, don't judge there will be better!

this film highlights the static and repetition of adolescent. the way everything happens in this uncomfortable force of action. you go and go and go, but when you stop it is not relaxing it feels like a static in your body and a ringing in your ears so you keep going. mourning the works of time and future.

feeling all of this makes me me ponder....

Am I living or just existing? from aaliyah reynolds on Vimeo.

pretentious.TV is almost "on air"

I am not dead don't worry,

but I do feel it.

(not in the melodramatic way I just feel  like i'm moving in slow-motion while everything passes by, I have been having a love/hate relationship with "time")

But that is not what this update is for,

The construction of this website is almost done
and this is what you have to look forward to

it will be a website/channel that is  film based, but will included writing pieces, soundtrack playlist, and now audio
readings/talks.
 This website will be the epitome of "pretentious"
a place to be artistic, but hauntingly honest, it will romanticize the  amazing things of being on the earth and the things we hide to keep ourselves balance, the things that make our breathing heavy. we need all these things to be human so why don't we dedicate  a place for it?
this will be it.
it is hard to explain so just wait and see!

diary of an insomniac: Do's and Don'ts

Don't talk 

just stare 

Don't stare

just kiss

Don't kiss

just lay

Don't lay

just breath

Don't breath

just die!

Because love is dreamy and light

But it is intense and heavy 

Diary Of An Insomniac: Letter on Receipt

Receipt 

I'm looking for something I can never find.

The feeling of the cold burning my body

I can never get back.




PS. I will be taking a month break on the website so I can fix it up. 
so for now it is under construction. don't worry i will still be doing journal entry's like this one and by the time I come back pretentious. tv will be brand new!

Film Still: Irrational Fears

People may call them irrational but there as real to me than ever.

I think about them everyday

constantly

and

  constantly

and 

constantly

All photos taken by Aaliyah Reynolds (a.k.a me)

( PS. I lost the letter)

Soundtrack: Fear of the way you. . .

Do you ever get that feeling of fear that rush's through your brain to your chest? 

Heavy in your chest, but light in you head. 

It's this heat

white hot

Not matter how powerful and scary this feeling is, it's what keeps you going. You can't look away.

It is so much more than adrenalin. 

the fear is what drives me 

If you ever experience this feeling this is the soundtrack for you

*Set list*

Candidate - Joy Division

Alien Observer - Grouper

Night time, My time - Sky Ferreira

Raise The Bells - Folk Implosion

She Lost Control - Joy Division

Everyday - Yo La Tengo

Can We Go Inside Now - Blood Orange

Empty House - Air

Definition: Fear

Rewind Pause Fast forward: Immobile

Has your life ever moved so fast past you that everything feels 

Still

People screaming at home

Faster.

People laughing as loud as possibly in the hallway

Faster. 

Cars driving past as head lights flash in your eyes one by one

Faster.

Every thought in your mind about your life deafening you at once.

Faster.

Until your body feels immobile.

I have felt this feeling so often that it's normal.

I know it's weird but I can't explain it

I just do it.

 Source of picture
http://weheartit.com/entry/140256632/dashboard?context_user=superficialfish&page=3

Stillness is everywhere.

As I sit in the hallway all of us together but not a word shared, we all sit drifting into our own worlds.

As people go running down the hallway

I can't stop myself from staring, no one noticing  as if they don't even know where they are.

not moving an inch, not worrying about the next class.

just breathing.

I get in these moods were any motion in my body feels unnatural

unwanted 

Laying on my bed with only the hard comforter, while the hue of colour on my wall fills my room as the sun reflects on it.

The sensation of feeling the air fill your lungs and the satisfaction of it leaving your body.

coming together as one.

Soundtrack: White noise

The beauty of stillness.

Do you ever have those 

 Moments when you lay down looking only at a textured ceiling. You can hear your own breath like a silent symphony.

You can feel every movement around you, 

the air is thin

you get so comfortable being motionless that it feels uneasy and out of place to move.

No commitments or responsibility just 

breathe.

If you ever find you self in that state, this is the soundtrack for you! 

*Set list*

Chinatown - Do Make Say Think

Afternoon Sister - Air

Never Gonna Get This P**** - Cliff Martinez

Empty House - Air

Teddy Rides Home - Devonté Hynes

Laura Palmer's Theme - Angelo Badalamenti 

Teddy In The Library - Devonté Hynes

White Noise 

*Please comment *

Definition: Still

                                                        *Please comment*

Soundtrack: Love vs Lust

When you see their face your heart races. You can't stop taking glances at them. You daydream about you two being together, but they don't even know your name. That's young love (lust). I find myself rapidly falling into a dream, where reality doesn't exist. I have no control I'm in love,

I'm in love

in love

love!

I know that it's not true, but the feeling of lust can be so addictive and blissful, that I just wait until that dream gets dull or I wake up!

This is a soundtrack for all your love/lust filled dreams.

Please Comment!

Definition: Infatuation

                                                                         Please Comment!

Film Stills: Sad Hours

Sad Hours

Moments of my life I cant hide. The rush of emotions come faster and faster 

faster and faster and faster

Until I can't control it, I want it to go away but it feels like time stops.

The faster the emotions come, the slower the clock ticks.

Tick.... 

Tick....

Tick....

 It does go away, but never fully.

I always hear the clock ticking.

Please Comment!

Rewind, Pause, Fast forward: Accept Tears

 Pause ▌▌

Accept Tear

January is the month for the ''new you'' 

"The first chapter of a new book'' its going to be "your" year. But to be fully honest I always fall back into my old ways. January is dull, the sky is concealed with an airy blanket of fog and my life is full of overcast. The earth is disguised to those who don't want accept it. I'm often brought to tears easily by things, I have admitted to my myself that I am a crybaby. To me being a crybaby is really just accepting emotions.

accept, accept, accept

Babies don't feel ashamed of feeling, its a way of communication. No matter where you are from, the sight of a glistened tear is one of the strongest non verbal cue. We are connected by our feelings, I don't feel the need to restrict my self from being connected to emotions and the rest of the world. But I do fear it. Teenage tears can be the worst.

Still From: All the Right Noises

THE STING

PAINTED RED EYE

CHAPPED LIPS

THE FAMILIAR TASTE OF SALTY SADNESS

 The realization that at any moment someone can drown you in your own tears, but worst of all you can submerge yourself in a watery grave of your own sadness. But I want to face my fears, I don't want to waste time missing out on the connection, but I also don't want to suffocate in my own tears.

I just remember to be fully submerged in that moment. 

Feel the way it drips down my face. 

The warmth of my cheeks.

I just want to accept 

accept, accept, accept

Please Comment!

SoundTrack: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Heaven Know I'm Miserable Now

"Everyday is like Sunday", the wise words of Morrissey. Everyday I look of into space , out a window , at the ceiling or I gaze at the school florescent lights. Life can be mundane, silent and grey. You can spend your days looking for meaning in every movement in every thing. The way the snow moves with the wind, how the lights flicker as if there trying to send me a message ( or is that just me?). I am brought to tears, so often it feels comfortable. "Why does it feel so good to be sad?". Teenage tears can hurt the most, the sting, the red eyes, stained cheeks and the familiar taste of salty tears as they greet your chapped lips. The only thing that is certain is that "Heaven knows i'm miserable now" (more wise words from Morrissey) 

                                                                    Mundane days: by Aaliyah Reynolds


                                                         Please Comment!

Definition: CryBaby

Please Comment!