Film Stills: Sad Hours

Sad Hours

Moments of my life I cant hide. The rush of emotions come faster and faster 

faster and faster and faster

Until I can't control it, I want it to go away but it feels like time stops.

The faster the emotions come, the slower the clock ticks.

Tick.... 

Tick....

Tick....

 It does go away, but never fully.

I always hear the clock ticking.

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Rewind, Pause, Fast forward: Accept Tears

 Pause ▌▌

Accept Tear

January is the month for the ''new you'' 

"The first chapter of a new book'' its going to be "your" year. But to be fully honest I always fall back into my old ways. January is dull, the sky is concealed with an airy blanket of fog and my life is full of overcast. The earth is disguised to those who don't want accept it. I'm often brought to tears easily by things, I have admitted to my myself that I am a crybaby. To me being a crybaby is really just accepting emotions.

accept, accept, accept

Babies don't feel ashamed of feeling, its a way of communication. No matter where you are from, the sight of a glistened tear is one of the strongest non verbal cue. We are connected by our feelings, I don't feel the need to restrict my self from being connected to emotions and the rest of the world. But I do fear it. Teenage tears can be the worst.

Still From: All the Right Noises

THE STING

PAINTED RED EYE

CHAPPED LIPS

THE FAMILIAR TASTE OF SALTY SADNESS

 The realization that at any moment someone can drown you in your own tears, but worst of all you can submerge yourself in a watery grave of your own sadness. But I want to face my fears, I don't want to waste time missing out on the connection, but I also don't want to suffocate in my own tears.

I just remember to be fully submerged in that moment. 

Feel the way it drips down my face. 

The warmth of my cheeks.

I just want to accept 

accept, accept, accept

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SoundTrack: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Heaven Know I'm Miserable Now

"Everyday is like Sunday", the wise words of Morrissey. Everyday I look of into space , out a window , at the ceiling or I gaze at the school florescent lights. Life can be mundane, silent and grey. You can spend your days looking for meaning in every movement in every thing. The way the snow moves with the wind, how the lights flicker as if there trying to send me a message ( or is that just me?). I am brought to tears, so often it feels comfortable. "Why does it feel so good to be sad?". Teenage tears can hurt the most, the sting, the red eyes, stained cheeks and the familiar taste of salty tears as they greet your chapped lips. The only thing that is certain is that "Heaven knows i'm miserable now" (more wise words from Morrissey) 

                                                                    Mundane days: by Aaliyah Reynolds


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Definition: CryBaby

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Those nights

                        Those nights

Summer! 

Summer! Summer!

Summer is wrapping up, winding down, slipping out of our finger tips. 

( picture by Petra Collins)

But I remember those nights, the blazing sun gave me no hope, the heat didn't appeal to me. The moon glazed over the world, the shadow swaddled me like an innocent child discovering the whole universe.

(does not belong to me)

(does not belong to me)

Days spent fondling with loneliness, 

nights spent infatuated with security. Long drives with the sky flooding with diamonds! Light pollution the enemy no where in site. The sky was screaming to me, it enchanted me with its true beauty.

(dose not belong to me)

    

At first it was overwhelming, I let my arm dance with the wind, the faster the car went the more enchanting it was. The song was playing "1979" by Smashing Pumpkin, his voice ran through me like electricity. My arm, my head my whole body was being wrapped by the wind, it was...

Beautiful

(does not belong to me)

(still from Palo Alto) 

I wanted to catch all the beauty at once but it wouldn't fit in my small palms. Its ways too precise to keep, to fragile to hold. All we can do is admire it which is a beautiful privilege!

"My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remembered to relax, and try not to hold on to it. Then it flows through me like rain and I cant feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid life"        

Lester Burnham "American Beauty"

(picture belongs to Petra Collins)

hazy drive

playlist

♀Alvvays -Archie, Marry me♀

♀Flowers Forever -Hanging On The Telephone♀

♀ Cherry Glazerr -Teenage Girl♀

♀ Lana Del Rey -Ultraviolence♀

♀ Lowell -The Bells♀

♀ Grimes -Oblivion♀

♀ The Smashing Pumpkin -1979♀


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mourning youth

                      Mourning Youth

Its that time of year 

The gowns, The speeches, The valedictorian

The Goodbyes

to the superficial outline of life that cushions you from your youth to the facade of adulthood.

What happens to the girls you see everyday in the hallway the girls with the synchronize walking?

"Shoulders back, chin up"

Is the everyday motto they drill into their heads.

What happens to the boys who are hypnotized to the field

whose lives revolve around the neon numbers of the     school score board?

What happens to the kids whose eyes are seduced by the words on a page? The film geeks(me)? The outsiders?

 What happens? 

                          What Happens.

25 years later. Heather the head of the clique with no one to up show. all feelings drained. Her whole body numb and exhausted from trying to get the love (or something close)of her husband. No one to impress but the mail man every morning after her third downing of Prozac.

What happens!

Today. This is what I fear the nothingness of life after that superficial outline of life that cushions ME from my youth to the fasad of adulthood.

Maybe I'm overacting but the static of the world, my life is eating me up.
I'm I living or just existing? 

So answer me this..

What Happens?  

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cultural norms

cultural norms

If a guy touches you with out consent don't say anything 

"Its normal"

If a guy calls you a slut don't say anything 

"Its normal"

The world makes these degrading
things the norm.

In this world A girls clothing decides if they  deserve your respect or not.
The persons thought overpowers your feelings and needs to be treated like a human with dignity.
We teach women to cover up our bodies rather than teaching  humans to cover up there disgusting thoughts.
In  the news people focus on what a girls wearing while being sexually harassed rather than focusing on the persons wrongs who harassed them.

People are brain washed to think that they have the right to police some ones body, to voice their wrong and victim blaming thoughts. After a survey over 65% of people said that "if dressed provocatively  woman  deserved to be attacked or raped"

Correction!
No one deserve's to be rape it is the rapist fault.

We need to rebel against these cultural norms. Fight the way society thinks is right because frankly its wrong and atrocious. 

Remember this!

"Ask me, not my clothes. My dress might say 'yes' but I say NO!
  


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